At my first meeting with my lead oncologist this week, she asked me what had been my worst fear experience. I told her that surviving alone in the jungle surrounded by my enemy in one of three helicopter crashes in the last six months of my tour of duty in Vietnam had to be the scariest. In truth, the most upsetting has been the lifelong understanding that I could become capable of firing thousands of rounds of machine gun fire at hundreds of young men and women just trying to survive. I wasn't prepared to hear her say that what I now face might be even more frightening.
I understand that, as a typical male (and one whose career has been consumed with caring for others), I 'm not very well prepared to respond to my own needs. Fortunately, I am surrounded by exceptionally aware friends, who are choosing to check in with me daily. Let me take this moment to acknowledge how much that will mean to me over the next six months. I'll be much less visible for a while, but I know your thoughts will be with me.
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